Friday, 1 June 2012

I'm thinking about the things that make my life poor

Hmmm I'm thinking about a lot of things right now, like how I have acted until now. I think I'm always wearing a mask on my face and trying to look like another person. I had counseling before and the consultant said that I'm wearing too many masks on my face; I remember that moment clearly.

To tell the truth, I'm really passive and lazy. I like to be alone or just one or two friends who are really close with me. And usually I don't like social activities...... I'd rather draw the wall in my room if I need to do fake with surrounded by many people. Ah, the most important thing! I'm not a leader at all. I'm not good at leading people at all because I need to be led first before I lead people Hahaha xD 

But in my school, I'm the most cheerful and brave student! And actually I'm so brave about everything except myself. 

So here're the things that I want to be/tell/show...etc;

1. Hey, I like girls who like girls. I'm bi.; It's the most difficult thing to be or tell to my friends. Hopefully, none of one of my friends don't understand it. Hey, If you're one of my friend and understand it, please let me know.

2. Saying 'NO'. I accept almost askings from my friends, not because I'm an idiot. I read books about Audrey and Angelina(they're my life role model). They were just so nice and loved to help people. I was trying to do that. But I realized that I'm not a person like them! I can help people or poor African children, but not people who never tell me even "thank you" when I help them.

3. Not being swayed by people. I usually swayed by people around me or some awesome people in autobiographies! Like I told you, Audrey and Angelina have swayed me and other people like Anna Wintour, Hillary Clinton, Jackie...etc. It's not bad to be inspired or impressed but not good to try to just "be them".

4. I want to believe that I'm the best in "EVERY MOMENT".
I don't mean that I want to conceit but I be proud. It's similar with that I don't want to be swayed. Whew... But especially, when I see Swedishes....... My life's going to the hell(Study from 8am till 6pm in school and study more for 2 hours at home), I'm so comparable with them and It always sway me. I know that not every Swedish are happy meanwhile I'm doing something another except searching pictures of Swedish Haha

Well, I have a lot more but I'm gonna think of them by myself in this weekend(Yay!).
That will be more helpful than being worried about things now, studying goddamn factorization and finishing one work at the same time ....!{Here's the work! I like it and I just found that I used something wrong grammar(no hates->no hate)}

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